With spring in full swing and millions of potential organ donors entering the peak season for boating, hiking, and drowning accidents, the nation’s transplanters are predicting a bumper crop in the upcoming harvest, which is welcome news to ailing patients in dire need of organs across America’s liver-, lung-, and heartlands.
[…] “All signs seem to indicate this will be a truly bountiful year for hearts and small intestines,” said third-generation heart surgeon Dr. Thomas Menard, who presides over a five-acre hospital outside Lawrence, KS. “If these intermittent rain showers are sustained through the high-school prom and graduation months, we’re likely to see a windfall of perennial car crashes.”
[…] Besides drought, many previous organ-harvests were also affected by disease and chemical contamination. Imported foreign organs are often found tainted with pesticides, particularly livers from Mexico and Central America.
[…] “These days, you never can tell where you’re getting your organs from,” said Cleveland resident Howard Sullivan, whose body has rejected two transplanted hearts. […] “Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, but for me, there’s no substitute for an organic, family-grown heart.”