Earlier (here, here, and here) we have written about the human remains problem in a museum context. Now, The Onion — indisputably ‘America’s finest news source’ and my Number One satirical news source — of 26 July reports on a somewhat different aspects, viz., that human bodies are so contaminated that they cannot be disposed of in a ecologically safe manner. Under the heading “EPA Warns Human Beings No Longer Biodegradable“, The Onion writes:

The Environmental Protection Agency issued a bulletin Tuesday warning the bodies of American citizens, with their large concentrations of artificial, synthetic, and often toxic substances, have been reclassified as industrial waste. “The average human body is now only 35 percent organic,” EPA chief Ralph Johnson said. “Due to changes brought about by modern detergents, silicone implants, and processed cheese food product, it is no longer safe to allow human tissue to come into contact with our nation’s topsoil.” Johnson said the EPA is seeking funding to construct a massive, federally managed human-body containment facility in the Mojave Desert to safely and viably store human remains.

It reminds me of the report earlier this spring about exploding pacemakers in crematoria. Dead bodies are apparantly an increasing waste problem in the (post)-modern world.

Share →